World News, Right Here

Good evening, this is Exalted Salvation reporting the World News this week.

1. Successful “Don Draper” type salesmen do not achieve the best figures

The traditional confident, charismatic image of the salesman does not necessarily achieve the best business figures, as the press found out today. Dr Adam Grant of the University of Pennsylvania found out that the most effective salesmen were “ambiverts”, people who express neither extroverted nor introverted traits — basically the ones who aren’t extreme on either end. The theory after his research surmises that extreme extroverts may be too enthusiastic and cheerful, and do not display enough sincerity or attention to their customers, leaving customers suspicious. Most people tend to be ambiverts, which means that it’s the average person like you and I that make the best salesmen!

2. Iranian scientist “invents time machine”

A Tehran scientist has invented a machine that, when touched by a user, can produce a printout predicting 5 to 8 years of the user’s future life with 98% accuracy. It “does not bring you to the future, but it takes the future to you”. He claims that his invention serves to benefit the public, such as by informing countries of future challenges so they can better prepare for them. He claims too that he is not releasing the prototype at the current stage because “the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight.”

3. Hamster comes back from dead after burial

A couple thought that their hamster had died after seeing her lifeless in her cage, so they wrapped her in kitchen roll, dug a 1-foot grave in their flower bed and laid her to rest. However, the next day, it was found that she had eaten her way out of the paper shroud, dug her way out of the grave, edged along a narrow wall (like a spy) and then climbed a waste pipe to land in a recycling box. She then crawled into an empty cat food cardboard box and spent the night there. Experts say that the reason the hamster had appeared dead was because she had gone into hibernation. She has now been nicknamed Jesus because she “resurrected” on Good Friday.

4. Belgian designer creates chair that grows and packs itself

The self-growing chair was made from “shape memory” polyurethane foam, and expands into a pre-formed shape in 10 minutes when activated by heat, and can shrink to 5 times its actual size for easy storage (they probably meant one-fifth). This, says the designer, is the solution to ineptly-constructed flat-pack furniture.

5. Owner reunited with lost wallet after 35 years

A 58-year-old man’s wallet, which he lost in 1978, was found by 2 workmen behind a wall in a sports centre as they worked on a re-development of the complex. It seems the thief had taken 10 to 15 pounds out of it and tossed it in a lift shaft to hide it. The general manager of the complex was quoted to have said, “Our lost property policy is only to keep items for three months and we are delighted to make this exception for Mr Lane and keep his property safe for 35 years.”

We’ve come to the end of this global news flash. Have a good night and once again, this was Exalted Salvation bringing you the evening news.


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